I. Monday Night
It was Monday night.
My roommate Derek and I were watching the 49ers play the Rams in the living room, as the day was dwindling down to an end. As per every Monday, we needed to bring our garbage to the curb so the lovely trash-fairy could whisk it away the following morning.
“Gonna move my car so we can take out the trash,” I said, grabbing my keys off the hook of my bedroom.
Derek was zoned out. The green from the field filled his eyes like water.
“Tight,” he said.
Such a way with words.
I released the load roar of the garage and proceeded to walk to the car. With little thought, I turned the key to the ignition.
Nothing.
Now confused, and with a heightened awareness, I tried again.
A few clicks were heard but still, nothing.
Naturally, I began to worry. What’s wrong with my car? How am I going to get to class tomorrow? How much is this going to cost?
I got out of the driver’s seat and texted my friend Troy, who knows more about cars than anyone I know.
Messages(2) Troy Artell Details
10:11:45PM My car isn’t starting…
10:12:33PM Did you try jumping it?
10:13:01PM No…but the lights are coming on
10:21:00PM If you didn't check the negative and positive terminal I would check to see if it's loose if not I'm not sure
10:25:12PM Okay
My roommate Derek and I were watching the 49ers play the Rams in the living room, as the day was dwindling down to an end. As per every Monday, we needed to bring our garbage to the curb so the lovely trash-fairy could whisk it away the following morning.
“Gonna move my car so we can take out the trash,” I said, grabbing my keys off the hook of my bedroom.
Derek was zoned out. The green from the field filled his eyes like water.
“Tight,” he said.
Such a way with words.
I released the load roar of the garage and proceeded to walk to the car. With little thought, I turned the key to the ignition.
Nothing.
Now confused, and with a heightened awareness, I tried again.
A few clicks were heard but still, nothing.
Naturally, I began to worry. What’s wrong with my car? How am I going to get to class tomorrow? How much is this going to cost?
I got out of the driver’s seat and texted my friend Troy, who knows more about cars than anyone I know.
Messages(2) Troy Artell Details
10:11:45PM My car isn’t starting…
10:12:33PM Did you try jumping it?
10:13:01PM No…but the lights are coming on
10:21:00PM If you didn't check the negative and positive terminal I would check to see if it's loose if not I'm not sure
10:25:12PM Okay
I got back in the driver’s seat of my 09’ Ford Escape and popped the hood. What I am saying? Popped? My knowledge of cars is zilch, nada. I don't know anything about these 2,000-pound horseless carriages. People who don’t know cars can’t say, “popped.”
Okay so, I opened the hood.
I examined the battery. Looked pretty standard to me: black, bulky, eclectic looking. Everything seemed fine, except for this teal colored dust on the negative terminal. I looked at it a bit closer. Analyzing it like a fossil. I deemed that this pixie-like substance simply didn’t belong, so I blew on it.
Yes that's right, I BLEW on it.
About mid-blow, I realized the brainlessness of my decision. The gust of my breath caused the fragments of pixie dust to scatter to the back of my left eye. It burned. And not in a kind of, sort of burned. But in a: THERE’S A PORCUPINE IN MY EYE PLEASE GET IT OUT, kind of sense.
“What are you doing out here?” Derek said, peaking out the garage door.
“Shit,” I said. “My car won’t start and there’s something in, agh, my eye, hurts like shit.”
Derek look confused.
“Damn,” he said. “I was wondering what was taking you so long.”
“I’m gonna take a shower and try and wash this shit out,” I said.
I closed the hood and rushed back inside the house.
I went to sleep later that night. I figured my eye would be better in the morning. I woke up the next day and got out of bed to use the bathroom. As I looked in the mirror, I noticed that my left eye was completely shut. Not only shut, but swollen, like I got punched by a MMA fighter. Also, I felt a slight burn in it, similar to a sunburn. My eye had a SUNBURN. Lovely.
I started googleing and calling eye doctors. Turned out, the little pixie dust I blew on was actually corroded battery acid.
Intense huh? The nurse felt so too.
“You need to go to emergency room now,” she implored on the phone. “We won’t be able to do anymore here than just wash it out.”
“But, it happened last night," I said. "Isn’t that a little extreme?”
“Now,” she said. "You could lose the vision in your left eye."
“Okay,” I responded.
Emergency room? I needed to get my car fixed. I needed to finish my reading. I needed to get to class. I didn’t have time to go to the emergency room, so I didn’t.
The rest of the day consisted of me washing out my eye and getting my car fixed by AAA. I didn’t go blind and the sunburn-like sensation went away after a couple of days.
I had a bad day.
I know, Boo-hoo cry me a river everyone has bad days! Yes yes, of course everyone has bad days, but this bad day made me realize that there was a deeper-rooted issue to be addressed: a quarter life crisis.
Okay so, I opened the hood.
I examined the battery. Looked pretty standard to me: black, bulky, eclectic looking. Everything seemed fine, except for this teal colored dust on the negative terminal. I looked at it a bit closer. Analyzing it like a fossil. I deemed that this pixie-like substance simply didn’t belong, so I blew on it.
Yes that's right, I BLEW on it.
About mid-blow, I realized the brainlessness of my decision. The gust of my breath caused the fragments of pixie dust to scatter to the back of my left eye. It burned. And not in a kind of, sort of burned. But in a: THERE’S A PORCUPINE IN MY EYE PLEASE GET IT OUT, kind of sense.
“What are you doing out here?” Derek said, peaking out the garage door.
“Shit,” I said. “My car won’t start and there’s something in, agh, my eye, hurts like shit.”
Derek look confused.
“Damn,” he said. “I was wondering what was taking you so long.”
“I’m gonna take a shower and try and wash this shit out,” I said.
I closed the hood and rushed back inside the house.
I went to sleep later that night. I figured my eye would be better in the morning. I woke up the next day and got out of bed to use the bathroom. As I looked in the mirror, I noticed that my left eye was completely shut. Not only shut, but swollen, like I got punched by a MMA fighter. Also, I felt a slight burn in it, similar to a sunburn. My eye had a SUNBURN. Lovely.
I started googleing and calling eye doctors. Turned out, the little pixie dust I blew on was actually corroded battery acid.
Intense huh? The nurse felt so too.
“You need to go to emergency room now,” she implored on the phone. “We won’t be able to do anymore here than just wash it out.”
“But, it happened last night," I said. "Isn’t that a little extreme?”
“Now,” she said. "You could lose the vision in your left eye."
“Okay,” I responded.
Emergency room? I needed to get my car fixed. I needed to finish my reading. I needed to get to class. I didn’t have time to go to the emergency room, so I didn’t.
The rest of the day consisted of me washing out my eye and getting my car fixed by AAA. I didn’t go blind and the sunburn-like sensation went away after a couple of days.
I had a bad day.
I know, Boo-hoo cry me a river everyone has bad days! Yes yes, of course everyone has bad days, but this bad day made me realize that there was a deeper-rooted issue to be addressed: a quarter life crisis.
II. My Quarter Life Crisis
Little things trigger bigger things. I had a bad day, but my bad day wasn’t even all that bad. My petty concerns about my car and eye forced me to acknowledge my real ones:
Am I going to get into grad school?
Where am I going to go?
Where am I going to live?
How am I going to live without Derek?
Who am I going to meet?
Am I going to meet anyone?
Where will my internship assignment be?
Can I afford to not work during internship?
Am I going to pass my certification exams?
Am I enjoying enough of my senior year?
HOW AM I GOING TO LIVE WITHOUT DEREK?!
A quarter life crisis is a real thing. And I suppose a technical one is reached at 25, but I think the age is relative to the individual. Crisis may sound a bit extreme, but it isn’t meant to. Essentially, it's a transitional period from teenhood/early 20’s to a real live freaking adult. Scary, huh? As a result of all this underlying stress, the smallest of things can snowball causing an anxiety avalanche.
I started realizing my age when I wasn’t the youngest kid at the bar anymore. Going out started to feel more like a chore than a fun activity. Other than that, my expectations increased. As a teen, I didn’t have many real responsibilities. I had practice and academics, and even worked a part-time job, but I wasn’t really thinking about the future. Now, at 23, I’m meeting deadlines, scheduling interviews, revising my resume, and it all feels so adult. And as each day passes, I catch myself constantly thinking about things my teen-self would never.
Where do I want to be in 5 years?
What am I doing with my life?
For many, including myself, there are so many question marks in life right now. This unwavering sense of urgency to get all this stuff done, when I know deep down, most of it will just work itself out in time. Technology doesn’t make it any easier either. “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Especially, when your neighbors can put filters on their grass to make it seem greener. It’s a lot to take in, I know and I'm getting re-stressed just writing about it. But what I’ve realized is: I’m not alone. After talking to my friends, I found comfort in finding out they've been going through similar situations.
Not Alone
Little things trigger bigger things. I had a bad day, but my bad day wasn’t even all that bad. My petty concerns about my car and eye forced me to acknowledge my real ones:
Am I going to get into grad school?
Where am I going to go?
Where am I going to live?
How am I going to live without Derek?
Who am I going to meet?
Am I going to meet anyone?
Where will my internship assignment be?
Can I afford to not work during internship?
Am I going to pass my certification exams?
Am I enjoying enough of my senior year?
HOW AM I GOING TO LIVE WITHOUT DEREK?!
A quarter life crisis is a real thing. And I suppose a technical one is reached at 25, but I think the age is relative to the individual. Crisis may sound a bit extreme, but it isn’t meant to. Essentially, it's a transitional period from teenhood/early 20’s to a real live freaking adult. Scary, huh? As a result of all this underlying stress, the smallest of things can snowball causing an anxiety avalanche.
I started realizing my age when I wasn’t the youngest kid at the bar anymore. Going out started to feel more like a chore than a fun activity. Other than that, my expectations increased. As a teen, I didn’t have many real responsibilities. I had practice and academics, and even worked a part-time job, but I wasn’t really thinking about the future. Now, at 23, I’m meeting deadlines, scheduling interviews, revising my resume, and it all feels so adult. And as each day passes, I catch myself constantly thinking about things my teen-self would never.
Where do I want to be in 5 years?
What am I doing with my life?
For many, including myself, there are so many question marks in life right now. This unwavering sense of urgency to get all this stuff done, when I know deep down, most of it will just work itself out in time. Technology doesn’t make it any easier either. “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Especially, when your neighbors can put filters on their grass to make it seem greener. It’s a lot to take in, I know and I'm getting re-stressed just writing about it. But what I’ve realized is: I’m not alone. After talking to my friends, I found comfort in finding out they've been going through similar situations.
Not Alone
"The thing that's stressing me out the most right now is moving out. My graduation is right around the corner and I feel a lot of pressure trying to get my shit together so that I land a bomb ass job and can afford a comfortable first apartment." -Natasha, 22
"Had a mini breakdown the other day after coming home from work and needing to do so much homework. So much stuff around the house needed to be done and all I really wanted was get some actual sleep." -Alex, 22
"I feel a lot of pressure to have a baby. All my younger siblings are having them and my family is always asking me when I'm gonna have one."
-Brittany, 25
-Brittany, 25
"I have no clue how I’m going to interview for future jobs. I graduated with a marketing degree and currently work in marketing, yet I feel like I know nothing and I can’t really bring anything to the table. Other people around me are getting new jobs left and right; I don’t think I could handle a simple interview question." -Natalie, 25
"I always feel like I'm not good enough for the person I'm with and that he can find someone prettier and skinnier than me. I'm never satisfied with how I look."-
Adriana, 22
Adriana, 22
"A couple weeks ago I got a bad grade on an assignment and I was a monster for a few hours because I was so mad about this one bad grade --- even though I now realize it hardly made any impact on my overall score in the class. I didn't want to be around anyone at the time because I was so annoyed about this one small thing and felt I was going to take it out on everyone else."-Haley, 25
People are a lot alike. We share roads and shops, busses and trains. But, we also share similar fears and self-doubt. Typically these thoughts center around the same questions:
Am I enough?
Did I make a mistake?
What am I actually doing?
It's ironic that just a few months ago I wrote 'The Power of Now'. As of late, "now" has been one of the farthest things from my mind. I try to think of my life 5 years from now, but it's almost impossible. Like imagining a new color.
We're at a place in our lives where everything is scary, everything is a risk. Life is very much fluid and we're just happy to be afloat. I think that's what life is: a long series of hunches and gut-feelings people just go with. Nobody has it all figured out. Even the people we think do, don't. I sure don't and maybe you don't either, and maybe that's okay.
I was close to not writing any of this. I didn't think it was relatable. I didn't think it was interesting. Sharing something as honest and trivial as a worry is frightening. The things we're scared to share, however, are the things we should. Life can become so stagnant if we let it. Too often, we become trapped in routines and schedules resulting in being passengers in our own lives. Fear brings life back into your life. Back into you. So--- if you're scared about something in your life, congrats. You're living yours.
Am I enough?
Did I make a mistake?
What am I actually doing?
It's ironic that just a few months ago I wrote 'The Power of Now'. As of late, "now" has been one of the farthest things from my mind. I try to think of my life 5 years from now, but it's almost impossible. Like imagining a new color.
We're at a place in our lives where everything is scary, everything is a risk. Life is very much fluid and we're just happy to be afloat. I think that's what life is: a long series of hunches and gut-feelings people just go with. Nobody has it all figured out. Even the people we think do, don't. I sure don't and maybe you don't either, and maybe that's okay.
I was close to not writing any of this. I didn't think it was relatable. I didn't think it was interesting. Sharing something as honest and trivial as a worry is frightening. The things we're scared to share, however, are the things we should. Life can become so stagnant if we let it. Too often, we become trapped in routines and schedules resulting in being passengers in our own lives. Fear brings life back into your life. Back into you. So--- if you're scared about something in your life, congrats. You're living yours.
P.S.----
I wanted to give a special thank you to alllll the lovely people who shared their thoughts for 'MQLC'. Although I couldn't directly include them all, every response helped me write what you see above. Also, I wanted to give a HUGE thank you to YOU, the reader. You are the reason I write. Every text, comment, thumbs-up, share, compliment, or just click on my site does not go unnoticed. It makes my day/night every time I see someone read my silly words. I work hard to give you guys content with substance and hope to continue that trend. This is Life: In the Process and I couldn't be more grateful that you're apart of it.
-xxx
Gabriel