Image Source: William Darbyshire
May 17, 2016. Today, I turn 23 years old. Recently, I finished reading a book called Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig. The premise of the book is depression and how bad times (much like good times) don't last forever. Two years ago, I was severely depressed. I've touched on this subject before, but I wanted to directly address it with the help of Matt Haig. Today. At 23.
One of the first sentences in the book is, "MINDS ARE UNIQUE." This simple, yet profound idea circles around the fact that you and I are different. We think differently, act differently, so naturally our minds get sick in different ways. The thing with depression is that it's a mystery, even to those who have it. It is invisible. It is not "feeling a bit sad" or "having a bad day". You are on fire, but no one can see your flames. You don't know what a "bad day" is because you forgot what a "good day" feels like.
Depression wasn't always called 'depression'. In fact, it used to be called melancholia, and far less people reported having it (or maybe they were unaware of what it was). I've always hated the term depression, it sounds like a brand of pillows or a sort of down comforter you get at the store. Poet Melissa Broder once tweeted: "what idiot called it 'depression' and not 'there are bats living in my chest and they take up a lot of room, ps. I see a shadow'?" Just like space; our minds are endless. Meaning---the torments and problems our brains can conjure are infinite and not one solution is the solution.
A common misconception with depression is that the depressive wants to kill him/herself. This is not true. While suicide often times is a symptom of depression(it is), the fear of death remains the same. The only difference is that the fear of living increases and seems unbearable. More often than not however, people who kill themselves are depressives. This makes depression one of the deadliest diseases on Earth. "According to figures from the World Health Organization, it kills more people than stomach cancer, cirrhosis of the liver, colon cancer, breast cancer, and Alzheimer's,"(Haig 25). People are killing themselves because of depression, but they aren't at the same time. If someone dies from cancer, for example, we'd say "he died of cancer" not "he killed himself." Below are some facts that I felt were worth sharing.
Facts
-Suicide is the leading cause of death among men under the age of 35.
-Your surroundings matter. For example, "if you live in Greenland you are 27x more likely to kill yourself than if you live in Greece,"(Haig 54).
-1 million people a year kill themselves. Between 10-20 million people attempt to per year.
-1 in 5 people will suffer depression.
-Gender matters. For example, 2x as many women as men will suffer from a serious bout of depression.
-However, men are 3x more likely to take their lives than women. (????)
-In the UK this ratio is 3:1// Greece-6:1// US-4:1
Sources: World Health Organization, the Guardian.
So why stay alive? What's the point? The truth is: you are not alone. Many notable people in history have had (or still have) depression. Sometimes seeing the names of people who have achieved great things in their lives, despite this disease, brings a sense of comfort. Here are some of my favorites:
Halle Berry
Russel Brand
Winston Churchill
Princess Diana
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Anne Hathaway
Billy Joel
Angelina Jolie
Uma Thurman
Dolly Parton
Stephen King
Zach Braff
Isaac Newton
Mark Twain
Ben Stiller
Abraham Lincoln
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Jim Carrey
Teddy Roosevelt
Gwenth Paltrow
Robin Williams
So what's it to you? Well, two things: 1) depression is not who you are and 2) anyone can get it. Some of the people listed above are royalty, presidents, renowned actors, praised authors, yet they were still deeply depressed. Storms have no bias. Their rain falls on the rich, the poor, the well-known, and the lesser known. Reaching a certain level of fame or social class doesn't exempt you from your thoughts. Halle Berry tried killing herself via carbon monoxide poisoning in her garage. Jim Carrey was on Prozac for years. Abraham Lincoln, one our nation's founding fathers, at age 32 declared, "I am now the most miserable man living." Depression does not define you. Being mad/sad/anxious/stressed/scared doesn't define who you are. There's a part of you that stays untouched by your thoughts and emotions. Similar to when a cloud passes through the sky. The cloud is merely passing through. It may be there for a few minutes or it may be there for a few days. The important thing is that we never confuse the clouds for the sky (you).
Often, there are negative connotations and stigmas associated with depression. One of them being that if you are depressed, you are some how "lesser than" the vast majority. But, you are the majority. You are sad, yes. But aren't we all? Despite what we may portray on social media: we all have problems. Our highlight-reel pictures are brightly showcased through various outlets (Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, etc;). However, our issues are quietly tucked away. Why is this? Are these attempts to forget our own problems? Or is it because somewhere down the road it became "uncool" to feel anything at all?. There is no normal way to feel. Haig adds to this by saying, "Normal is subjective. There are seven billion versions of normal on this planet." You are feeling. Experiencing. Living. Feel it all. Feel it again. The good, the bad, the horrid. Just feel.
Today I am 23. I remember being 21 and miserable. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to live. I didn't want anything. I forgot what life was. I wasn't living. I was existing. I was the cloud. I was transparent. Tomorrow morning, I'm boarding a flight to Baltimore. I'm visiting old friends. I'm making new ones. I'm looking at potential grad schools. I'm laughing/crying/scared/happy/excited. I don't have it all figured out. I don't. But I'm trying and I'm happy. I'm living.
What I've learned about life is: I'm not the only one in it. This piece isn't about me. This is about you. Whoever you are. Maybe you're a close friend, family member---stranger. Maybe you need this. Maybe someone needs you. Just know, you are not alone. Chance The Rapper once said, "Everybody's somebody's everything." To someone: you are the North Star when the sky turns black. You are not just a constellation, you are all the constellations. Here are some reasons to stay alive.
Reasons to Stay Alive
1. You are on another planet. No one understands what you are going through. But, actually they do. You don't think they do because the only point of reference you have is yourself. You have never felt this way before, but others have been here. You are on a dark, dark island, with a population of millions.
2. That feeling you have, that everything's going to get worse, is just a symptom. Similar to a cough or a sneeze, these symptoms will go away and you will get better.
3. Pretty much anybody could find a reason to hate themselves if they thought about it long enough. Nobody's perfect, but we are perfect. We are nothing and everything in the same breathe; made of both dust and stars.
4. Nothing lasts forever. This pain won't last. Pain lies. Ignore it. Pain is a debt paid off with time.
5. You will one day experience a joy that matches this pain. You will cry euphoric tears while listening to Drake, you will look down at a baby's face while it lies asleep in your lap, you will eat delicious food you've yet to try, sleep in on countless Sunday mornings and drink bottomless mimosas with your closest of friends. There are books you haven't read yet that will enrich you, movies you will watch while eating extra large buckets of popcorn, and you will dance and have sex and go for runs in the rain and have late night conversations and laugh until it hurts. Life is waiting for you. You may be stuck here for a while, but the world isn't going anywhere. Hang on if you can. Life is always worth it.
One of the first sentences in the book is, "MINDS ARE UNIQUE." This simple, yet profound idea circles around the fact that you and I are different. We think differently, act differently, so naturally our minds get sick in different ways. The thing with depression is that it's a mystery, even to those who have it. It is invisible. It is not "feeling a bit sad" or "having a bad day". You are on fire, but no one can see your flames. You don't know what a "bad day" is because you forgot what a "good day" feels like.
Depression wasn't always called 'depression'. In fact, it used to be called melancholia, and far less people reported having it (or maybe they were unaware of what it was). I've always hated the term depression, it sounds like a brand of pillows or a sort of down comforter you get at the store. Poet Melissa Broder once tweeted: "what idiot called it 'depression' and not 'there are bats living in my chest and they take up a lot of room, ps. I see a shadow'?" Just like space; our minds are endless. Meaning---the torments and problems our brains can conjure are infinite and not one solution is the solution.
A common misconception with depression is that the depressive wants to kill him/herself. This is not true. While suicide often times is a symptom of depression(it is), the fear of death remains the same. The only difference is that the fear of living increases and seems unbearable. More often than not however, people who kill themselves are depressives. This makes depression one of the deadliest diseases on Earth. "According to figures from the World Health Organization, it kills more people than stomach cancer, cirrhosis of the liver, colon cancer, breast cancer, and Alzheimer's,"(Haig 25). People are killing themselves because of depression, but they aren't at the same time. If someone dies from cancer, for example, we'd say "he died of cancer" not "he killed himself." Below are some facts that I felt were worth sharing.
Facts
-Suicide is the leading cause of death among men under the age of 35.
-Your surroundings matter. For example, "if you live in Greenland you are 27x more likely to kill yourself than if you live in Greece,"(Haig 54).
-1 million people a year kill themselves. Between 10-20 million people attempt to per year.
-1 in 5 people will suffer depression.
-Gender matters. For example, 2x as many women as men will suffer from a serious bout of depression.
-However, men are 3x more likely to take their lives than women. (????)
-In the UK this ratio is 3:1// Greece-6:1// US-4:1
Sources: World Health Organization, the Guardian.
So why stay alive? What's the point? The truth is: you are not alone. Many notable people in history have had (or still have) depression. Sometimes seeing the names of people who have achieved great things in their lives, despite this disease, brings a sense of comfort. Here are some of my favorites:
Halle Berry
Russel Brand
Winston Churchill
Princess Diana
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Anne Hathaway
Billy Joel
Angelina Jolie
Uma Thurman
Dolly Parton
Stephen King
Zach Braff
Isaac Newton
Mark Twain
Ben Stiller
Abraham Lincoln
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Jim Carrey
Teddy Roosevelt
Gwenth Paltrow
Robin Williams
So what's it to you? Well, two things: 1) depression is not who you are and 2) anyone can get it. Some of the people listed above are royalty, presidents, renowned actors, praised authors, yet they were still deeply depressed. Storms have no bias. Their rain falls on the rich, the poor, the well-known, and the lesser known. Reaching a certain level of fame or social class doesn't exempt you from your thoughts. Halle Berry tried killing herself via carbon monoxide poisoning in her garage. Jim Carrey was on Prozac for years. Abraham Lincoln, one our nation's founding fathers, at age 32 declared, "I am now the most miserable man living." Depression does not define you. Being mad/sad/anxious/stressed/scared doesn't define who you are. There's a part of you that stays untouched by your thoughts and emotions. Similar to when a cloud passes through the sky. The cloud is merely passing through. It may be there for a few minutes or it may be there for a few days. The important thing is that we never confuse the clouds for the sky (you).
Often, there are negative connotations and stigmas associated with depression. One of them being that if you are depressed, you are some how "lesser than" the vast majority. But, you are the majority. You are sad, yes. But aren't we all? Despite what we may portray on social media: we all have problems. Our highlight-reel pictures are brightly showcased through various outlets (Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, etc;). However, our issues are quietly tucked away. Why is this? Are these attempts to forget our own problems? Or is it because somewhere down the road it became "uncool" to feel anything at all?. There is no normal way to feel. Haig adds to this by saying, "Normal is subjective. There are seven billion versions of normal on this planet." You are feeling. Experiencing. Living. Feel it all. Feel it again. The good, the bad, the horrid. Just feel.
Today I am 23. I remember being 21 and miserable. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to live. I didn't want anything. I forgot what life was. I wasn't living. I was existing. I was the cloud. I was transparent. Tomorrow morning, I'm boarding a flight to Baltimore. I'm visiting old friends. I'm making new ones. I'm looking at potential grad schools. I'm laughing/crying/scared/happy/excited. I don't have it all figured out. I don't. But I'm trying and I'm happy. I'm living.
What I've learned about life is: I'm not the only one in it. This piece isn't about me. This is about you. Whoever you are. Maybe you're a close friend, family member---stranger. Maybe you need this. Maybe someone needs you. Just know, you are not alone. Chance The Rapper once said, "Everybody's somebody's everything." To someone: you are the North Star when the sky turns black. You are not just a constellation, you are all the constellations. Here are some reasons to stay alive.
Reasons to Stay Alive
1. You are on another planet. No one understands what you are going through. But, actually they do. You don't think they do because the only point of reference you have is yourself. You have never felt this way before, but others have been here. You are on a dark, dark island, with a population of millions.
2. That feeling you have, that everything's going to get worse, is just a symptom. Similar to a cough or a sneeze, these symptoms will go away and you will get better.
3. Pretty much anybody could find a reason to hate themselves if they thought about it long enough. Nobody's perfect, but we are perfect. We are nothing and everything in the same breathe; made of both dust and stars.
4. Nothing lasts forever. This pain won't last. Pain lies. Ignore it. Pain is a debt paid off with time.
5. You will one day experience a joy that matches this pain. You will cry euphoric tears while listening to Drake, you will look down at a baby's face while it lies asleep in your lap, you will eat delicious food you've yet to try, sleep in on countless Sunday mornings and drink bottomless mimosas with your closest of friends. There are books you haven't read yet that will enrich you, movies you will watch while eating extra large buckets of popcorn, and you will dance and have sex and go for runs in the rain and have late night conversations and laugh until it hurts. Life is waiting for you. You may be stuck here for a while, but the world isn't going anywhere. Hang on if you can. Life is always worth it.